Tattoos

I think body art is one of the most interesting forms of self-expression. I have tattoos. I went under the gun for the first time on my 18th birthday for no other reason than to defy my father’s forbidding. I still remember going to his job and lifting the back of my shirt to reveal the Chines characters covered by Saran wrap. He was not happy at all. I’ve been on the receiving end of the tattoo gun five more times since July, 16 six years ago. I’m not finished. Although every piece has a very different meaning to me, what I love the most about my body are is the placement. None of my tattoos are visible unless I want them showing.

There seems to be a set of universal tattoo stereotypes. I don’t know where or when they originated, but most people follow the same code of what certain body placement means. More specifically, everyone believes that there are a few areas on a woman’s body that define they as a “bird” (hoodrat, hooch, project b*&ch) when covered with a tattoo.

Pelvic Area:

 

Breast:

 

Thigh

 

Neck

 I don’t have tattoos in any of those places, not because I’m afraid to  be labeled a bird, because those aren’t areas that I want inked. I don’t make it a point to judge people on where and what they’ve decided to get tattoos. I do, however, have one huge pet peeve. I can’t stand when people flap their lips about others with tattoos that they deem to be in unprofessional or “bird” areas when they are the owner of body are in an equally unprofessional area. I hear colorful commentary from my peers, mostly women, who are at full-time professional jobs all the time.

 “I would never get a tattoo on my neck, shoulder or upper back. That’s so unprofessional. I won’t able to wear certain kinds of gowns to dinners and galas.” 

“A tattoo on my wrist? I can’t hide that every day at work!” 

These same women leave out of your neighborhood tattoo parlor with some huge piece of art going down the inside of their arm, along the top of their shoulder, or on their ankle when they wear skirts every day to work. All these are places that aren’t very easy to hide every single day in every single season. Men have arm sleeves that stop right above their wrists, and I’m assuming that they aren’t going to spend the rest of their lives wearing long-sleeved shirts to work every day.

I say everyone get body are wherever they would like on their body. I could decide one day that I want to sleeve my entire arm, an idea that may become a reality when I reach the point where I never have to work a job in Corporate America ever again. So what. It will not change the way that I conduct myself in a professional setting. And what in the world is a “professional” tattoo anyway?

 

 

 

 

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I Want A Job…

I want to put these on and zone out.

 

Is it possible to get paid to listen to music? That’s it. Sit at home and listen to music. Go to shows and listen to music. I’m not a writer, and I’m as politically incorrect and rude as they come, so I wouldn’t want to be responsible for writing reviews. I don’t want to be an A&R or any sort of head hunter because pitching artists to others is not my thing. If I like something /someone, I like them. I can’t be bothered with convincing others to like them too. I want to listen. Enjoy. Dissect for myself. Listen again with a better understanding.

Can I get paid to sit in my living room in sweats – size extra large – with my macbook hooked up to surround sound speakers; iTunes on an overflowing ‘Recently Added’ playlist, and vibe all day? Can I pick out what I love and put them on repeat? All day. I mean, I can tweet lyrics so it won’t seem like I’m getting paid for nothing. Can I receive a salary to dress up and go to all the new venues that I’ve discovered to witness all of the talent coming from my city? Can my employment package include me being front row center for my favorite artists when they stop through on tour?

 

Can I get paid to go somewhere like this?

Who would hire me for such a position? Seriously. I need answers. Suggestions. Someone point me in the right direction. I’ll put on my best suit and give and amazing interview. I’ll show how diverse of a musical palette I possess. I’d create charts and diagrams relating artists and songs that only I would think to connect; put together my ideal concert line-ups and set lists. I’d so so so get that job.

To sit and listen to music all day, how glorious!!

Please Go Take A Parenting Class

I do not have children, but I do know plenty of people who are parents. Some are excellent, and some make wonder. Some questions that come to mind when I’m in the presence of horrible parenting are:

1. Do you really think that what you’re doing is going to work?

2. You know that YOU are the parent right?

3. Do you see your child right now?

4. Have you ever thought about taking a parenting class? Please take a parenting class!!

What kinds of things bring up these questions? I’m glad you asked.

  • Do you know what a little person’s job is? To fill our lives with love and affection, of course. They are also supposed to get on our nerves and test the patience of every grown person with whom they happen to come in contact. That is not a valid excuse for your day to be ruined as soon as your feet hit the floor. The little person doesn’t know any better. They are simply living their little person life. Your attitude won’t do anything but make them look at you with the ill side eye and go back to playing with their toys.
  • When there are twenty-plus years between you two, there should be no such things as an option. You want to give out options? Here’s one for you – Do what I say or catch a backhand. 
  • We’ve always been told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and it’s my personal favorite. As we say in the wonderful world of twitter, Breakfasts >>>>>. With that said, I would like to point out a key word: BREAKFAST.  Here are some things that do not fall under the breakfast umbrella:
  • Goldfish
  • Any random remnants of candy found in a car seat
  • Any form of potato chip. This includes baked, healthy choice and veggie.
  • Oreo Cakesters
  • Children are taught to listen to grown ups. No child will obey someone their age. Bargaining will never lead to success, and your child will walk away from you like the crumbsnatchers in daycare. Man up. Act your age.

That concludes my first installment of Please Go Take A Parenting Class!

Toodaloo!!

 

Who Woulda Thunk: Twitter Edition

One day soon, I’m going to write something lengthy and intropective or controversial. For now, I’ll stick to posting my random spurts as them come.

I’ve been riding on the positivity train lately, and I’m liking it. Not to say that everything in my life is all cherry blossoms and picnics, I’ve just been consiously working at keeping my head up and focusing on the good. Today, while exploring the wonderful world that is my twitter page, I came across some very encouraging and inspirational tweets that I saved in my favorites. Thought I’d share them.

“The world keeps hitting me with BS, so I treat em like Mike Jackson: *hit a spin move-grab my nuts- and proceed to moonwalk away* – @OGpenn

 

“The tears that you and I cry now are watering the seeds of greatness that lay within the soil of our essence. So cry on.” – @MelechT

 

“Stupid thing about the Devil is, I peep game nigga… I know the story of Job… The trials of David. I shake these incedents off.” – @ABlackTV

 

I’m not going to get all deep and talk about how these tweets made me feel. I will say that re-reading them was something I needed to do a long time ago, and something that I will be doing more often. Who woulda thunk it! Twitter has some gems!

5 Things To 5 People

I’m on a roll this week!! I’ve found that my lovely father has grown fond of commenting. I don’t mind, because I know that he doesn’t expect me to begin censoring myself.
Onward with the post!

Keeping with the usual humdrum around these parts, I have another list. This time it’s a list of people. Well, a list of things that I want to say to a list of people. Wait, why am I explaining myself?

1. Did I do something to you? Like personally? Because I’m thinking that there has to be some reason for the sudden change in attitude. I’m also thinking that I’m not going to ask you why you’re mad, or why you’ve chosen these actions to show me that you’re upset. See, I’m not that interested. I’m shrugging you off.

5. I’m choosing my words carefully, because my daddy has been adamant about my consideration and word choice for the past few months. I will say this:
You don’t know me. You have yet to try to get to know me. You only know what others have told you. Your attempts at being nice fail because I don’t care about how much money you have or can spend on trips and clothes in stores that I will never have an interest in shopping at. You have repeatedly been the reason for more tension than a little bit, however intentional or unintentional it may be. And although you may mean well at times, you suck at showing it. You also should accept that your way is not the only way. There are always other options. Pouting does not look good on grown ups. Well, it’s ok for me because I don’t really mean it. Also, just as an FYI, I’m stubborn which I know isn’t a good quality. This means that I’ll never make an apology if I don’t mean it. Asking will be in vain.

4. Dear everyone. I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it. If I did, I’d call you and talk. I’ve never been a talker; so don’t act like this is new.

2. Why are you so cool? Why do I like talking to you so much? Why do I want to know so much about you? These are the questions that I ask myself all the time. Questions that I don’t have the answers to, and don’t need. I am perfectly content. Although everything isn’t ideal, I am content. So expect more from me. You told me that it would be an uphill climb. I’ve never been one for strenuous exercise, but I’m so down for the challenge.

3. You should be happy that I’m not a man. You should be very happy that I’m not a man. You should be happy that I don’t live where you live. If I lived, and I was a man, I’d kill you. I don’t play around when it comes to my family. Apparently you think that hearts are footballs that you can toss around for entertainment and then leave out in the yard. Oh, but once you get bored again you’ll go out in the yard and rummage through that grass and weeds for that abandoned deflated football. Ready to play.
You need to find another heart to play with, a heart that is not in my family. Because if you fuck with this heart in particular, put a bruise on it, deflate it any more than it is, I will pretend I’m a man. But remember that I’m a woman, so my wrath will not be normal. Think: SNAPPED.

Observations

*Over the past few days, I’ve been documenting random observations in my trusty blackberry. Why? So I can share them here. Duh.*

1. It’s funny how my sister’s and I have rarely questioned anything my father says. We are just now collectively coming to the conclusion that his word is not the end all and be all of the world. We can challenge his opinions with opinions of our own. We can go against his wishes. This is weird.

2. I cannot stand selfish/self-centered people. If you notice that nobody wants to do what you’re doing, why would you insist on us all doing it? Nobody is enjoying themselves!! Stop being an asshole!!

3. My sisters and I can be likened to a gang at times. We may be small in size and number, but we sure know how to bully. Oh, and don’t piss us off! We will do all types of subtle things to make you feel horrible.

4. The DMV is almost officially my home. I always miss it when I’m away for more than 24hrs, and feel like a visitor when I’m in Nashville.

5. I will never shop at fancy stores. I don’t care how rich I become, I’m pretty sure I’ll never think that it’s ok to spend $300 on a shirt or $1000 on a pair of shoes. Why? Just Why!!

6. When women are in their feelings they make some of the dumbest decisions. I try my best to rationalize and make decisions with my head and not my emotions, but sometimes I lose the battle. After some things I’ve witnessed recently, I think I’ll try a little harder.

7. Love makes people stupid. Love makes people inconsiderate. Love makes people act like assholes. Love makes people rude. Love makes people absent-minded. Love is beautiful.

8. Every once in a while, I want that old thing back. Then I’m reminded that it isn’t even an option. Oh well.

9. I wish every situation allowed me to write my emotions before expressing them aloud. I’m honest. Most of the time, brutally. Some people in my life haven’t experience just how brutal because they’ve had the pleasure of receiving the written version. When they come in contact with my honesty face to face, it’s too much. Too abrasive. Disrespectful. Hurts feelings. They don’t seem to realize that I’m saying the exact same thing that I would have written, but without the editing. For this I apologize. Wait… No I don’t! I have been the same B.Renee for 24 years. I’m growing, and in my growth I’m becoming more vocal. I can’t hide behind a pen and paper for the rest of my life. The people closest to me should be able to hear how I feel, not read it.

Whew! That felt good.