“This Is A Warning”

There should be a warning that plays before women have sex with men they are not in a relationship with. If I was in charge of this message, it would go something like this:

“Wait!! Before you let him bone your brains out, remember that this won’t change anything. He is going to treat you the same way he’s been treating you until he feels that he’s ready to treat you better. Think about the status of your relationship for a second. You and him, ya’ll are talking/dating/hanging/chillin/getting to know each other. None of these things equal committed, and the your bun meeting his hot dog will not change this fact.

He will not call you more than he does now, unless that call is because he’s trying to get some. He will not refrain from bagging every fat ass that moves because he’s hit your from the back. He won’t bench his entire team for you, although he may promote u to the starting 5. His star player will still get all of the attention.  Contrary to the bullshit that you’ve been fed, your cooch is not his kryptonite. If you aren’t expecting any drastic changes, by all means smash away! If you are, close your legs, get up and walk away. Go sit in a corner and think about the stupid decision you were about to make. Then think about all the things you want in a relationship. Do not open your legs again until you understand that your vagina will not get you these things. Happy humping!”

It’s Been So Long That I’m Writing About It

A while back dating was brought up in a conversation I was having with either my sister or my Buddy. I can’t remember. What I do remember is that I could not remember that last real date I’d been on. Everything I was coming up with just didn’t seem to count. There was hookah, but that was more of a meeting to mend old wounds. Plus, we went dutch. Before that was the movies, but that was kind of like that last-ditch do we have something here still kind of thing. Nothing even remotely romantic about it. It was actually kind of awkward. I’ll stop there.

Moral of the story: I want to go on a freakin date! A real date. With someone who is interested in having conversation and sharing a new experience. I’m not asking to be swept off my feet here. Staying true to my over-imaginative self, I’ve started a list of ideal dates. Whenever I come across something interesting I add it to my list.  Here are a few:

King Street Trolley

I’ve never been to Old Towne Alexandria, but I hear it’s nice. There’s a free trolley that takes you from one end to the other and I want to ride it and window shop. This would be perfect for a cool sunny day. Not while its sweltering outside like it is now.


Cork is a restaurant and wine bar in Logan Circle. Recently I’ve decided that I want to learn about wine. This restaurant has a billion selections and a well-educated wait staff. Why not eat and learn at the same time?

Double Decker DC Tour

I know I’ve been here for what seems like forever now. I’ve never done the tourist thing. I want to sit on the upper level with all the people who don’t speak english and learn about the district. Plus I got the hook-up on two-day tickets.

Bike Riding

I am nowhere close to being a fan of strenuous physical activity. The fact that I want to ride a bike is amazing in and of itself. I want to go on a leisure ride somewhere near the water. Leisure meaning I’d ride slow. I ain’t trying to catch any cramps, although I know it would be inevitable with my out of shape ass. I need to get in a gym.

Picnic On The Mall

All these years and I’ve been out to the national mall with a blanket once. Never been on a picnic. I want to pack a basket full of sandwiches fruit and candy. I want to enjoy the sunshine and make out shapes in the clouds.

One day I will go to these places and do these things. Eff it, I may even take myself to all these places.