Hi, I’m B.Renee, and my priorities are all screwed up. I think that I come to this conclusion roughly once every few months. The problem is, I only makes plans to change instead of taking action. I could sit at this computer and come up with a million and one reasons why none of this is my fault, but I’d be lying. Although there are people and things that have an impact on my decisions, I am the one that makes up my mind. I am the problem.
So many times I’ve said that I’m going to concentrate on figuring out exactly what I want to do career-wise. I am going to do research and soul search. I am going to pray. I am going to think. I am going to read up on all points of interest. I am not going to stop until I have a plan. What have I done? A whole lot of working. At my place(s) of employment. Which is not what I want to be doing forever.
I find myself doing way too much most of the time. I never sit still. I’m either, at work, out somewhere with my friends, or asleep. I rarely just sit in my apartment and chill. I declare to everyone that I am going to “go into hiding” at least once a month. I don’t. I continue my routine of work followed by random excursions with my girls. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with this, but too much of a good (wild and sometimes reckless) thing can lead to destruction. Maybe not destruction, but exhaustion and overall lethargic behavior is a direct result. I’m tired of being tired all the time. But I love the good times that I have with my friends. I need to find a balance.
I need to talk to the people who are most important to me more often. Somehow I rationalized that it isn’t necessary because they know that I love them. If that isn’t the most backwards justification ever, I don’t know what is. I also don’t have any answers for the questions that I know they will ask. Who’s fault is that? Mine.
I wrote a few months ago that this blog would chronicle my journey. Since then I’ve detoured off of the path and began to play in the pastures. I’m trying to find my way back.