A Letter I Will Never Send

I will never tell you this. I don’t care how much you ask or how many times you try to get it out of me. Let’s be honest, you already know anyway.

Back then, I should have chosen you over that other guy.

You remember right? When you asked me to choose you and I refused. When I told you flat-out “No. It wouldn’t be fair to him.” Why did I care so much about him? I’m still not sure. You see how long that lasted. Sometimes I wonder about how different things would be today if I would have made a different decision. I know so many of our arguments would have been avoided, but probably replaced with new ones. I would have had to hear a bunch of shit from people whose opinions meant little to nothing. You would have repeatedly been tasked with calming me down. Somehow you’ve always been good with doing that.

So much for shoulda coulda wouldas.

Even though I didn’t choose you, I can’t say I completely regret it. You have taught me so much through our years of knowing each other. You have the capability to read me like a book, and even though I haven’t seen you in a while, I have a feeling when I do you will still be able to see right through all my crap. This is why I heart you, and why there is no point in regret. Although I didn’t choose you, I still got you and you still got me. I’m happy.

I hope someone tells you about this because I will never send this letter to you. If you do read it, no need to let me know. I will deny that it was addressed to you. We both know that truth. No discussion necessary.

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